Fifty shades

Yes, yes, I know, it's gaining/gained cult status, but I have to it is a really well written trilogy and has spiced up our sex life considerably.

When more things happen, I'll start giving a blow-by-blow (no pun intended) account ;)

It's been a while coming

<p>I have to apologise for another delay in a blog post. It's been a bit mad recently. I'll be updating my other blogs today too.</p>

<p>I've been switching medication, and of course that has meant that pretty much, sex is off the menu with how I've been feeling. I've been giving hubby the odd session, no bdsm involved, just satiate him, but not really been getting horny or feeling it, I just go through the motions.</p>

<p>Of course this makes me feel like I've gone back a few steps with the D/s.</p>

However, on second life, I have come across a Mistress that ticks all the boxes.  She has children, so can help me when I'm stressing out with my daughter, she has given me her telephone numbers in an offer if trust and respect, not wanting mine unless I was willing to give them. She is also in the UK, so that helps a lot.  We have the same interests in sl, so we can chat about other things, not just D/s.

I feel sorry for leaving Gina, but with us being in different time zones and us both being busy (me with the amaretto horses, she with building) it's better for me at least if we part ways.

And Pita, the Mistress I met recently and who has now given me her collar, has been so helpful. She has been there when I needed over the past few days, and has trusted me with her personal, real life information, which I have with her.

There's not much more I can say here right now, so I will log off for now.

Wow! Doesn't time fly!

I can't believe it's over two weeks since my last post!  That's because there hasn't really been anything to talk about, really.

If you read my other, 'nilla blog, you'll know that this week my mother-in-law is moving in with us, so of course it has been absolute madness.  Now we are going to have to devise a way of being quiet and succinct (although she must know what we get up to) and I find it very difficult to be quiet...  As an example, on Sunday, we stayed over at my mum's and of course the obligatory nookie ensued.  Mum has to take sleeping tablets at the weekend, but during the week she daren't in case she doesn't get up in time for work.  When she doesn't take sleeping pills, she wakes really easily, so no doubt I woke her with my rather ... shall we say, vocal ... exercise.

Hubby's had a really hard week, he hasn't really stopped at all, being at work and helping his mum move in while I look after the baby, so I really want to help him relax tonight by giving him a nice, enjoyable session.  The only thing is that he enjoys it the most when I'm noisy :( so I'm honestly not sure what to do, bar spending a ridiculous amount of money on soundproofing our bedroom walls!

That's all for tonight, just a quick update.  If there is anything amazing that happens tonight, I'll try to remember and be sure to let you know.

Just a small (!) update..?

Well, I've added a couple of pages to the site:

     Shopping - a list of online shops to buy things from.  I'll be reviewing products from time to time and will include links to the specific products

     Webmaster/Blog Authors! - for any of you who would like some ideas on how to generate revenue from your blog/s.

I'm not quite sure yet, with blogger, if these two pages will show up as a menu at the top of the page, but if not then I'll work on that tomorrow.

Nothing much has really happened yesterday or today, just a short post to tell you about the new pages I've added.

Speaking of kink...

Today, a few times, Sir pushed me against the wall, kitchen worktop, door etc, and kissed me.  A few times, he bent me over and humped my backside.  A few times, he slipped his hands down my trousers and either tried to play with me or tease me about sticking his finger in my bum (which I really hate).  Needless to say, these things got me a little breathless (in fear in the case of the latter situation).

This wouldn't have happened before we had the baby.  I was very independent and sex was always on my terms.  Now, although I can refuse sex, I prefer to be forced (consensually, of course) - it turns me on.  Now of course, this is never rape - I am usually ready and willing to receive him!

It was me who initiated these changes, and I think some will wonder this is 'topping from the bottom'.  I don't think so.  I requested this change, Sir agreed, and it was a mutual agreement - although that is as far as it goes.  I may request sex, although Sir has the right to refuse it (not that he would).  I may ask him to help me, fetch me something, deal with the baby, and he has every right to turn around and say "no".  However, if he wants something fetching, help him in anyway, even make him a cup of tea, I'll do my best to do it.  Sex is slightly different, and something we're working on.  If he asks for sex, I currently can say no, but I always give a valid reason; for example: it's eleven o'clock at night; I'm really tired because the baby has been tetchy all day; I've walked to and from the Dr's surgery with a buggy, baby and changing bag to fetch your prescription.  Usually, he will accept this.  Sometimes, he sighs, gets sulky and moody, and I feel guilty for not giving him what he wants.  In these situations, more often than not, an internal dialogue ensues...

     "but I don't want to have sex right now!  If I try, I won't be lubed up enough and it will hurt!  It will take ages for me to cum!"

     "but don't you feel bad for withholding this from your Sir?  If you don't do this now, then he'll just masturbate tomorrow, and that will make you feel even worse - that you couldn't provide the release he needed."

There are many reasons that I'll beat myself up about not having sex.  If this happens in the future, I'll make sure to remember my internal conversations and note them down here.

We have also recently discovered that I enjoy, well, we'll call it breathplay but it's not really.  When I masturbate, sometimes if I'm having difficulty cumming, I'll hold my breath and 'force' it (woah - forced orgasm?!).  One particularly het-up night, he randomly put his hand on my throat - it was what I had been silently willing him to do, and the fact that he did it ratcheted me up quite a few more notches!  Since I enjoyed it that one time, he has taken to doing it every so often.  He doesn't choke me, stop me breathing - it's just that pressure on my neck, restricting my breathing, the control he has over me.

That he's big bad daddy bear turns me on.  That he's stronger than me and, no matter how much I may fight, I can't release myself from him, turns me on.  He might not be the buffest bloke out there, but the fact that he can overpower me - well, it overpowers me.

Just starting off my blog... wow, this is going to be difficult!

This blog will be all about the relationship between my Sir and I.  After having our first child, I decided we should try to get back into kink and fetishism, and recently discovered some things about myself that weren't apparent before.

About us:

I am 23, and have just had my first child, age 4 months.  When I first got together with my Sir, he entrusted to me the secret that he likes bondage.  After a few years of me being begrudgingly tied up, we put it to the wayside while I was pregnant.  This was difficult for him, a great deal of tension was put on our relationship because of my disdain for bondage and his love of it.  We have watched bondage porn in the past, but all it does for me is upset me that the Dom/me is so cruel to the sub; it doesn't even cross my mind that the sub is enjoying it!

However, after having our little girl, I happened across an awesome blog, which ignited my interest in kink once again, and this in turn turned me towards another excellent blog - feel free to follow these lovely ladies, after reading their many stories, I often feel involved in their lives.  They are who inspired me to start this blog, and I hope my readers will feel involved in my life too.  I have a 'kink' facebook and twitter (link for the latter is above), so please feel free to add me (if you could just please mention where you found me, and I'll gladly accept!).

After reading the above-mentioned blogs and doing a little more research, I have decided I like (and possibly need?) a slightly more D/s/Taken in Hand relationship.  In this regard, Sir can incorporate his love of bondage and I get the thrill of being Dommed.  Taken in Hand is something we're working on, I think Sir is feeling the pressure of letting me look after baby and tidying the house, while he deals with the finances and the 'Head of Household' stuff.  As I say, we're working on it.  I'd love to be able to look after the baby and the house on my own, and let Sir work and deal with the finances and house repairs and DIY and so on and so forth, but we're still stuck in our old roles and are slowly finding our balance; for example, Sir hasn't been able to deal with the finances in a few months, so I offered to set it all up for him, so that when he has a chance he can look it all over, approve everything, and make any relevant telephone calls.  I haven't been able to deal with baby and the house all on my own, so Sir has been helping me with the house, and, in the mornings, the baby (just so I can shower and pretty myself up for the day!).

We have two dogs and two cats, and will probably have my mother-in-law (and three cats and rabbit) moving in with us in a symbiotic-financial relationship (she helps us with the rent, we put a roof over her head).  This will be an experience - she lived with us once before, in a stressful situation, and all in all it wasn't good.  I'm hoping this time around we'll all be able to understand each other's needs a bit better.  I feel better about it since, when I return to work mid-June, if work aren't willing to offer me sensible hours for looking after the baby (i.e. I work in the mornings, come home for a handover period, Sir goes to work in the afternoon, I possibly work from home while he's at work) then at least my mother-in-law can look after her while we're both at work, and we won't need to pay for childcare.  She is more than happy to do this, and as long as she goes by our parenting rules, then we're fine with that too.

Funny story about my mother-in-law...  She came over to feed the animals one night while we were staying at my mum's.  She decided to tidy and vacuum the house.  Our bedroom was a mess (yes, we are messy in the bedroom but not the rest of the house!) and that morning we had made some nookie.  We'd left the 'rampant rabbit' vibrator on my bedside table and the ball-gag on the floor on top of a pile of clothes.  My mother-in-law decided to tidy our bedroom up... the vibrator was untouched, but the ball-gag had been moved from the top of the clothes and put on the shelf of a drop-leaf table we have in our room.  If she didn't know what we got up to before, she does now!  She must know something though, otherwise, where do the 'dirty' socks come from; where do the slobbery belts and strips of fabric come from; how did we have a baby if we never did 'the dirty'? LOL

So, overall, things are looking to be difficult over the next year, but much better than previous years.  We are happy in our house (even if it isn't in the perfect area or the perfect house), have good jobs, steady income, have a beautiful 4-month-old baby girl who is so smart and clever and engaging and engaged...  I can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings!